G’day legends,
It’s Drew here from the TIACS team. This week, we’re tackling a relatable question:
How can I be more open with my feelings?
This one’s from “Dave”, a 34-year-old chippy whose name & age we've changed for privacy, who shared:
"I’ve never been one to talk about how I’m feeling. I guess it’s just how I was raised – ‘suck it up and get on with it.’ But lately, my wife has been upset because she says she never knows what’s going on in my head. How do I start opening up about how I’m feeling?"
Great question, Dave! You’re not alone.
Many of us have been brought up being told to “toughen up” and “not look weak.”
But the truth is learning to spot and share our feelings isn’t about being soft – it’s about staying connected, looking after our mental health, and preventing things from building up.
Here are a few tips to help get started:
1. Think Back to Where It Started
As kids, we’re open about our feelings – probably more than our parents would like.
But over time, we can start hearing things like, “Stop sooking,” or, “Don’t act like a girl,” teaching us it’s not okay to show emotion. When we hear that stuff enough, we often start bottling things up to avoid criticism.
The first step is thinking about when you started holding back. Was it something you heard growing up? Are those messages still around you? Once we recognise that keeping quiet is something we learned, we can decide if it’s time to unlearn it.
2. Weigh Up the Pros and Cons
It’s easy to see stoicism as a strength. Action heroes in movies seem to have it all together, and our mates often cheer them on. In some cases, keeping emotions in check helps – like staying calm on the job or maintaining professionalism.
But bottling things up has a downside.
Suppressed feelings can build until we blow up at the worst time – at work, home, or with mates. Have you ever seen road rage? It can also create distance with loved ones who don’t know what’s going on in our heads.
Here’s the kicker - it can stop us from asking for help when we need it, whether it’s about physical illness or mental stress that’s building up. Ignoring these can make things way worse over time.
The trick isn’t to never be stoic - it’s to figure out when it’s helpful and when it’s not – and then find a balance that makes sense to us.
3. Find Safe and Trusted People
If we’ve been put down for opening up in the past, it’s natural to feel hesitant now.
But opening up is easier with the right people around us – a partner, a mate, a family member, or even a counsellor. Figuring out who’s safe to talk to can take time, but it can be a game-changer. These are the people who’ll listen without judging or telling us to “toughen up.”
It’s also worth looking at who we’re spending time with. If the people around us always knock us down or make us feel like we can’t be ourselves, it might not be about whether sharing feelings is “good” or “bad” - it could be that the people around us aren’t the right ones. Calling out negative behaviour or surrounding ourselves with supportive people can make all the difference when it comes to learning to open up.
4. Start Small
Talking about emotions can feel intimidating, but like any skill, it gets easier with practice.
Begin with lighter topics, like how we feel about a footy game or something in the news. Once we’re comfortable, we can work our way up to more personal things, like work or relationships, and eventually ourselves.
Another step is to tweak the words we already use.
Instead of defaulting to “Yeah, all good mate” when someone asks how we are, think for a second. Imagine a scale: “great” at the top, “okay” in the middle, and “not great” at the bottom.
Where do you really sit?
Maybe you’re “fantastic” or “a bit off” instead of “good”. Thinking about this scale can help us be more honest about our emotions and work toward more complex feelings.
As we practice, we can start practising how we respond to questions about different parts of our lives, like:
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Energy levels – Are you “energised”, “rested” or “tired”?
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Physical health – Are you “well”, “average” or “run down”?
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Social battery – Are you feeling “social”, “indifferent,” or like you “need space”?
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Mental well-being – Are you “content”, “okay”, or “stressed” / “overwhelmed?”
- You don’t need to get it perfect. The goal is to broaden our emotional vocabulary and get used to expressing more than just “good.” Over time, it’ll get easier, and you’ll feel more confident sharing bigger, personal topics.
Dave, being open with your feelings isn’t about flipping a switch overnight. It’s about taking small steps, practising, and giving yourself the space to grow. The more you practice, the more natural it will feel - and the better your relationships and mental health will be for it.
If you or anyone reading this wants to chat more about sharing emotions, the TIACS team is here for you. Call or text us for free on 0488 846 988, Monday to Friday, 8 AM to 10 PM.
Got a question for us? Shoot us an email, and we’ll tackle it in an upcoming blog.
Cheers,
Drew
